somethings in life make you really curious. i often wonder why i do things. example: a while back, i asked my ex girlfriend for some advice. the advice i asked for, was what i could have done differently when we were together to have made things work. i pointed out that i wasn't asking because i was trying to rekindle feelings, or start an arguement, but because i was entering a relationship where some aspects reminded me of my previous failed relationship. and since this time i don't want to fail, i assumed the best advice would be from the one who i failed. well, she didn't give me my advice. nor did she refuse to give it. she just ignored me entirely. well, now she's having relationship issues, and asks me for advice. and i gave it to her freely without even thinking "well, you didn't help me when i needed it, why should i help you?" and that's because she's my friend. and when a friend needs help you give it willingly don't you? well that's what i think. the problem is, the advice i needed from her wasn't there, and my relationship is desperately needing it. i find it to be failing more and more. and i don't have the wisdom or the experience to do anything about it. the fact of the matter is that in retrospect i've never had what one could consider a "good" relationship. there may have been good aspects to them, but never one that was entirely good and healthy. and the last feeble attempt at one was a long time ago. and my ex of my previous relationship has had no less than 2, maybe 3 boyfriends since then. one relationship lasted 2 years, and the other 1. so obviously she did something right. her current relationship is falling appart, but two years is much longer than what we pulled off. but there's a lot more maturity and responsibility at 19 than 16. i guess i can take comfort in the fact that she blames most of her life on me i think. only make sense, i blame myself for most of the bad things in her life as well. at least from the age of 16. the problem at hand is, i can't stop seeing the problems in my last relationship when looking at this one. i see the same issues coming up. and it's not entirely my fault. it just seems that in finding two women with similar admirable qualities, they have some of the same faults. and of course there's the big problem that i'm not there. i'm almost a day away from my girl, just like i was from my ex. and in the end, that's why she left me. she couldn't stand the distance, and didn't want me to move for fear of hurting me. now on one hand, if i had followed my gut instinct and moved when i had the opprotunity, i could be happily involved with a girl who loved me, and was eager to show me and tell me. but i didn't. cuz i'm a jackass. so instead, i'm miserable, and courting a girl who almost never tells me she cares about me, and rarely gives me any indication she does, because she's scared and withdrawn. well, a little over two years ago when i met her she wasn't. she was affectionate and caring. so this shows me that either she doesn't care as much as she used to, or that in 2 years time, and a previous relationship, things happened to cause her to harden up, and protect her feelings more, so as not to be hurt by letting someone know how she really feels. the thing she doesn't seem to realize, is that is what inevitably destroyed my last relationship. my girlfriend was too afraid to tell me she loved me until after she broke up with me. and by that time it was too late. i didn't act on my feelings because i didn't think she loved me. and 3 years later i'm stuck with regrets and little else. so now i don't know what to do. i tried to get out of this relationship of constantly waiting and trying, and getting nothing but daily heart break. but she assured me that she did love me, and that trying to distance myself from her truely brought her pain. and i gave her another chance, when i could have passed, and moved on towards another relationship, which was presented before me. and to this very second, i'm still as confused and unsure as i was when i told her i was tired of trying. i know exactly how my ex girlfriend feels right now, at the end of her relationship. she doesn't know how to live life, without feeling that someone loves and cares about her who is not obligated to. she knows that she won't be able to sleep alone in her bed without tossing and turning. but she doesn't realize that she can live on after that, just like i have. she may have been with him much longer than she was with me. but what neither of these women realize is that i haven't had a good night's sleep in over 3 years, because i've slept alone. i live out my days in pain because the feeling that i was cared for by some one who wasn't obligated to care for me is gone. i live wondering if somebody cares for me. when my own life is turned to shit and misery, i'm concerned more about 2 important people in my life; one who should be my girlfriend, and one who used to be my best friend. and i don't know what to do for either of them. they're both hurting in different ways. and i don't know that there's anything i can do for either of them. i just want my girl to tell me she loves me, and wants to spend her life with me, and show me that. and i want to be able to give my ex some advice, so she can make it through her life till she meets somebody who gives her the feeling i want from my girl.